GANDALF
Recollections of Gandalf.
I have written this as a reaction to the tributes written on the MUDII.co.uk web site. They are all of them well meant and no doubt sincere, yet there is much about them which I find unsatisfactory. The rose-tinted view of Gandalf at his best distorts him and in my view diminishes his life. The authors are trying to airbrush him to fit notions of how perhaps he ought to have been, so they can feel better about themselves through the happily recalled memories. I understand why this has happened, we do edit our own memories all the time, but it is an injustice.
I did like Gandalf, so don't run away with the negative judgements like they are gospel.
Gandalf, what was he like? I must have met him firstly when he was a mortal, playing under the names Rainbow and Arcady. He was a friendly man whose playing style was that of an ACHEIVER in mud terminology. This means that his focus was in scoring points, in raising the power of his player characters. His self esteem was bound up in how well he did in the game. He in no wise ever sought to maliciously harm other people. He might seek to do so if they roused him to anger, but it was not in him to initiate the killing of other player's characters.
He was a reasonable player, which by perverse MUDII standards means he was really very experienced and quite good...but and but and but; He was a very poor player because it took him far longer than most people to acheive the levels of skill required to do well. He was without doubt persistant. The time span he spent as a mortal before he reached top rank in the game has been estimated at 7 years. Now mud is a difficult game, and taking more than a year is not uncommon, but his focus was in doing well within the game's own goals. Bluntly, he was slow.
Most mages become extreemly frustrated when they die close to (as they see it) the winning post in MUDII. Paranoia is common and mostly justified. Temper tantrums, month long sulks and continual whining and sniping at the Wizzes are par for the course - if boring once one has seen them several times before. Gandalf was not like this. He had internalised the values of the game to the extent that if he did badly in the game, the fault lay with him, even if as was demonstrably the case a wizmort had done him in.
[A wizmort is a player controlled by a wizard that specialises in killing characters for pleasure. Cheating is very rare, unless maybe Droo or Azzuri was playing them.]
Gandalf had many mages and they died regularly. Every Friday night Gandalf would come on to the game drunk and carry himself morosely throughout the evening. Wizzes would speak to him often, with words of heartfelt sympathy, genuine advice and well meant lies about his ability. These bouts of downheartedness were probably what killed him in the end - no I don't know any details - but when I heard I was not suprised.
It got to the point where Turrican -
[Potted description of Turrican - the great runner of uncounted wizmorts, slayer of countless mortals (yes I know he keeps a list, that's not the point), probable all time best in the business, obsessive in his determination to stop people having an 'easy' ride to wiz status.]
- felt sorry for him. Does that suprise you? It shouldn't. There was a debate in wizardly circles and consensus was that he should be allowed to pass unhindered. Consensus meaning that Turrican wouldn't slay him and everyone else either couldn't or couldn't be bothered to try. And so Rainbow became a wizard, and chose the name Gandalf. He was always straightforward.
I liked Gandalf because he was well meaning. I loathed him because he was thick, often said exactly the wrong thing and never understood how other people reacted to him. Again and again mortals would do things to which he would respond very badly. He used extreeme force when a little bit of nouce would have avoided the whole problem. You could see his suffering when mortals insulted him, or wound him up or tried to manipulate him, yet he seemed to end up in those awkward incidents where mortals wound up getting fodded and wizzes got made to look bad because they didn't wish to be seen to blame one of their own.
In wizardly life he was very easily persauded to change his point of view. In the regular issues which arose - arguments, debates, discussions - Gandalf could be relied upon to agree with whoever had last taken the time to talk him round to being in favour of them.
Wizards often give up being wizzes, seeing the hassles and the lack of a formal game as not enough to keep them occupied. Gandalf though was proud of his status as one of the longest lasting wizards on Wireplay. As one of those who played most regularly he had a place in a hierachy where people looked up to him. Despite his longstanding status he was not respected by his fellow wizards.
Funnily enough I do think Gandalf was a good wizard. His fallibilities rendered him a human presence among mortals. Even his spectacular explosions of temper and the resulting FODS [instant termination of a player character] were forgiven in him, where they never would have been in another wizard. Gandalf would feel remorse, he would feel worse about events than the mortals concerned, even when they were little teenage wankers who well ~deserved being treated badly. Many wizards hide behind their great powers, working invisibly behind the scenes and are rightly feared and loathed, others present the slick face of the public relations 'expert' parotting meaningless phrases and hiding their true opinions. Gandalf's failings meant he could never fall into these greater traps. When he chatted to mortals and encouraged them and laughed with them, he meant it.
In life Gandalf struggled to make his way in the world. I'm not sure that he held down a full time job or relationship. I heard that he worked in his Uncle's(?) bookmakers shop, but I don't think that he enjoyed it, or found many friendships through it. He gained satisfaction and pleasure from MUDII, along with despair and frustration. I don't beleive the game had any particular negative effect on him overall, I hope that it helped him at times. The tellers of the friendly anecdotes about speaking with him would surely want us to believe so.
So farewell Gandalf, simpleton, victim, good man. I didn't do what I could have for you, you liked me and I only returned it intermittantly. Now you're dead and I don't grieve for you. I'm writing because I don't want you beatified, I want you remembered.